I’ve been waiting for this tour for months and months and it couldn’t have come sooner but now that the time to leave is officially here I am really bummed!

I just put my first offer down on my first house. Umm..when did my life get so grown up?! I’m going to be 24 this year, I’m going to have a mortgage and there’s just so much to do in 2010. I interned at The Parish  for 2 weeks before ‘officially’ becoming a paid employee. The people there are good peoples and it is really weird working in a pseudo normal/stable work environment. I either work alone or practically live with my co-workers. I worked my butt off but it was worth it, and I wish I had considered interning earlier. I was so focused on just getting in there I forgot the ways I used to get my foot in the door when nobody knew me and before I had ‘ben kweller,’ ‘mike doughty’ etc. attached to my name. I don’t want to be known as ‘Ben Kweller’s merch girl’ for the rest of my life but everywhere I go that’s how I’m introduced and I’m ok with it but I also want to be known as my own person and the person who knows how to do everything.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud to have that title, I just don’t want that title to define me.

I’ve definitely learned how to adapt these few months. I’ve focused on getting my name out there and contracting my services and abilities and really just doing anything I can to make money. I have more job opportunities now and while I’ve decided to no longer LOOK for tours, I’m still going to tour with bands who ask me personally so I can get back to touring because I want to, not because I HAVE to. Maybe I will remember why I fell in love with it in the first place. I want to set up some roots and Austin is the perfect place for me, buying a home will force me to? I am not a girl who lets people in easily, I am not someone who’s wanted to be in a relationship or needed a relationship, but it’s really the one thing that I’m missing in my life. I feel so out of place and lost in the dating world. Wish it were easier. I finally feel fulfilled in my career and isn’t that what we all strive for? Fulfillment in life/fulfillment in career. I’m lucky that my life and career meld together and they work together to bring me fulfillment but still there’s that void that a partner would help fill. Gah, am I setting  feminism back 100 years?

Oh and can we seriously review this hilarious photo of me and Ben Kweller from when I was 16? Look how young we both look..and excited I look. Fan girl days at it’s BEST.

& check out my new sig! woo